And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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