I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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