bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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