Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
