Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
He told me they were just razor bumps!
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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