My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
