Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize