Your dad touched me again.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
