I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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