the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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