I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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