I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
