just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
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