Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Randomize
