I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you donโt have to recycle anymore ๐๐
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize