Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
