I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
