I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
