An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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