can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
