Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize