ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
