last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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