If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
