My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
home. puking in laundry basket.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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