She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
