I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I have fence marks all over my body
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
