I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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