yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
