i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
