Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
3pm strippers are depressing
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
