its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Come see our sink grown plant.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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