I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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