24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
