dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
