Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
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