his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Randomize
