I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
