textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
