So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
