are you so shy because you have an std?
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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