i may or may not be watching the land before time
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I FOUND THE LEGS
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
