glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Randomize