That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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