I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
