Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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