why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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