I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
