period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
