She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
