I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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