I never want to see another naked old woman again.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
