Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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