I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
