My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
