I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
