dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize