I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
