I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
