I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
