Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
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