i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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