Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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