last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
