I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
