Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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