Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
