Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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