You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
