haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
