never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I could fuck to npr.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Randomize
