Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
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