then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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