i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize