either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
