I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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