If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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