Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
