Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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