You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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