I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
