The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
