oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I should be sponsored by Trojan
i love accidental penises.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
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