nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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