i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
