"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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