people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
