your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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