So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
