fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
