He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
