im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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