I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
My vagina is officially offended.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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