Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Randomize
