i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
