It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
