you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize