I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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