Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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