I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I can't put those talents on a resume
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
