Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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